the green eyed monster showed up...

Today is supposed to be fun! I don't have to be at work yet I dropped the kids off at preschool. My plan: explore web designers for Cravings, begin brainstorming the layout, plan out text and images for a site, explore the land of other peoples sites I admire. Instead I sit here in a Paradise Bakery overwhelmed, frustrated and if I am being honest JEALOUS!
How do these woman do this? Their sites seem so polished, so put together, they are running them, active blogs, face book and twitter accounts. They are speakers at conferences I dream about going to and they all seem to be friends. I feel silly that I glimpse into their world from their web pages hoping and wishing to be friends. It is a bad flashback to my first day of middle school.
What in the world am I doing? Does Cravings REALLY have a place in this world filled with so many options. I HAVE to hold onto the idea that God wouldn't have given me the vision if there isn't room for it, right? I have to believe that a door for it through Dickson's wouldn't have opened so easily if it wasn't going to be helpful, right? I HAVE to believe I am capable of doing this because I tell other people they are, right? Ug...how do I stop tears in a public place?
I am mad at myself. Why am I thinking these thoughts? They are useless and serve no good purpose. They only steal time away from me. In this moment I need to claim ME! I am ME...Carey Bailey :). I will forge my own way and path and be who God wants ME to be. He doesn't want me to be ALL these other woman out there I admire. Honor them, respect them, learn from them, but don't BE them.
Get to work Bailey of yeah and go see a movie!

agiftaday (February 22, 2011 at 11:45 AM)  

you've taken the first step -- writing about darkness frees you from it! remember -- no one has ever had exactly the same thoughts you have. no one has ever expressed them exactly the same way you do. you are courageously pursuing your dreams, and you should be so proud of yourself. yea, you!

Ginger (February 22, 2011 at 1:48 PM)  

"I AM CAREY BAILEY" and you are HIS... and what He thinks is the only thing that matters... and He created YOU to create. Take those thoughts captive and enjoy your movie! 2nd Cor. 10:4-5

theamaros (February 22, 2011 at 5:35 PM)  

I. Am. Carey. Bailey. :) We all want to be you, so take comfort in that...? :) I understand this feeling all too well. It's hard to snap out of it, too. A good old fashioned run usually helps me. Or a hard slap in the face. I can help you with that if you'd like... that's what friends are for. :) :)

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